We are called to forgive others. It is one of the hardest things we can be called to do.
“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matt. 6:15
We see an example of this in the parable of the servant who owed the King.
He could not pay the debt, so the king forgave him. Then, the servant turned around and refused to forgive a fellow servant, so the king removed his forgiveness and punished the unforgiving servant. —(Matt. 18:23-35)
This is scary business.
So, what do we do?
Well, like everything in life we turn to God. We ask him to teach us wisdom and lead us into all truth. (Prov. 3:5-6, James 1:5 John 16:13)
First we need to see what the ultimate forgiveness is. What forgiveness does the King offer?
Jesus Christ coming and dying on the cross for our sins. Dying to offer forgiveness to those who hate Him and killed Him. He says “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:24)
That is our image of forgiveness. To die, in order to forgive those who hate us and hurt us.
But hold on because God does not offer a general forgiveness. You must come to Him and bow the knee and ask him to save you and forgive you. You must confess Him as Lord. You must turn to Him. (Romans 10:9-10)
Do you remember Judas? Was he forgiven? He was a betrayer?
If he had ran to Jesus and ask for forgiveness, he would have been forgiven. But, we have no record of him doing that.
When you look at what God does, and you look at the parable in Matthew 18:23-35
You will see a pattern. In every case the guilty party asks for forgiveness, and/or offers to make things right. Then, forgiveness is given. Then, mercy is given.
Notice in the parable of the unforgiving servant.
“But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.” (Matt. 18:28-30)
The unforgiving servant, made it a point to go out and find any servant who owed him in a very small matter. Then, demanded payment. He refused to forgive, and sent the man to prison. This is a complete heart issue. This person did not understand the forgiveness offered. This person never knew the King.
Are you hunting down the person who owes you? Is it a petty matter? Are you choking them and demanding repayment for something that you no longer owe? (Remember the king forgave the debt. This is not about getting money to repay. This is strictly revenge.) Did the person ask forgiveness? Did you give it? Did the punishment for the crime outweigh the pettiness of the crime? Are you wrong? Have you really sought God?
These are questions to ask yourself when you wonder if you are really forgiving someone.
So let’s look at a practical example.
Someone does something wrong to you. What should we do as believers?
We turn to God and ask Him to help us. (Prov. 3:5-6, James 1:5 John 16:13)
We settle the matter with God. We say “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:24)
We let them off the hook between us, them and God.
We look at what we’ve done. We try to fix it. If we’ve done wrong, we fix it as best we can.
We offer forgiveness to the offender as best as we can between us and God.
That’s all we can do. Our goal is to be right with God.
We cannot force the person to accept the forgiveness or to reestablish a relationship. All we can do is offer. Just like God offers.
Jesus tells us that we are to go to the person and try to resolve it. (Matt. 18:15-17 (Sometimes we can’t do this. It can cause more harm or damage. Sometimes it is impossible, they are dead or have removed themselves.)
But, remember our goal is to be right with God. You’ll notice that the verses to forgive are in the same chapter as the verse instructing us to go to our brother to solve the problem. Matthew 18. Forgiveness involves a willingness to resolve.
The bottom line is a willingness to forgive and to be right with God. It is about turning to God and asking Him to help with the forgiveness. This is the same with anything. If you were addicted to drugs, would you not turn to God and ask Him to forgive and help? This is the relationship we have with Him. He helps us.
All we can do is to be right between us and God. We cannot force anyone else to do anything. We listen to the Holy Spirit and let Him guide us in what to do. We follow the Word as best we can, with an honest heart with God.
If a chance comes to express forgiveness or to make right, then we do it.
This is what we do between us and God. No matter what.
But, what about Justice?
What about protecting others?
What about fighting evil?
Let’s say you are a member of a church since you were a child, and let’s say that certain members of the church did sinful things to you. Things that impacted your faith. Things that ruined your life. Things that were illegal. Things that hurt others.
Do you just forgive them and let it go and move on?
You can, but what if you hear that they keep damaging other people? They keep driving people from Christ. They allow others to suffer from the illegal things they do? They stand in the pulpit demanding that you forgive while they themselves have refused to forgive and destroyed others? They treat others as less than them?
Let’s say there’s a child molester in the church or neighborhood. Do you just let it go?
Do you forgive them and let them hurt others?
Let’s say you have a bad employer or manager who destroys your life. They have done it to others and continue to do so. They break laws and treat workers terrible. Do you just forgive and move on? Do you let your employer continue to mistreat people and break laws, because they think they are above the law?
Perhaps God allowed this to happen so that you will stand up and do something. Maybe someone prayed 5 years ago for God to help, and you are the help God sent. Maybe?
If a drunk driver kills your daughter do you just let them continue to drive drunk and kill others? You can forgive, but what about others?
Doesn’t the authority bear the sword for the evil doer? Isn’t that from God? (Romans 13:1-8)
This is why we turn to God in all matters, but especially in the matter of forgiveness. We forgive between us and God, then we follow His Spirit as He guides us. We pray, and watch. We do what He leads.
This is part of our relationship with Him. But, these are serious questions.
“Revenge is mine, I will repay, sayeth the Lord.” —Romans 12:19
Does that mean we just pray and wait for God to move, while someone continues to hurt others? We can forgive for what was done to us and let it go, but is it love to just let them do evil to others?
Forgiveness is a hard thing for believers to navigate. This is why we let God direct our paths.
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Holding a grudge comes naturally to us. People forget they can ask God for help in forgiving someone. That sounds like a prayer God would bless.
I love that you ended this with questions unanswered and with acknoldewding that this is hard, and that this is difficult to navigate. And that believers have to be able to deal with this between themselves and god. LIfe is complicated, and we dont always have the answers, because we dont have the wisdom to see the full picture or understand why things happen the way they happen. but what we have control over is how we relate to the evnts that happen to us and how we relate to ourselves and to god. And forgiveness is one way that allows us to wash our hearts from hate, and resentment and agony. And i think that is why is so importnat to surrrender the burden to god regardless of the outcome . It is to help bring the peace to our hearts.